Funniest thing I've read all year

[jude]

I sure hope this posts right.
You need to read the whole thing.
Shoot, It appears I have lost the pics, but they were just some nice shots of beavers, so you can use your imagination and pretend they're there. The letter is too funny.


This
is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his
property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of
Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response
is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response
letter. [/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']

SUBJECT:
DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming
County[/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']

Dear
Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of
Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the
above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of
Spring Pond. [/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']

A
permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of
the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the
Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland
Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act
451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated. [/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']

The
Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed
during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
locations. [/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']

We
find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be
permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition
by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All
restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31,
2008[/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif'].[/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']

Please
notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up
site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this
request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case
being referred for elevated enforcement action.. We anticipate and would
appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me
at this office if you have any
questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District
Representative and Water Management Division.
[/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']

Here
is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: [/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']


Re:
DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear
Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/25/07 has been
handed to me to respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the
Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania
.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process
of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream
of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use
of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge
your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever
match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their
dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work
ethic.

[/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']http://bl132w.blu132.mail.live.com/m...8&d=d1542&mf=0[/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']http://bl132w.blu132.mail.live.com/m...8&d=d1542&mf=0[/font][FONT='Tahoma','sans-serif']
These
are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think
the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the
start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you
is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond
Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to
conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against
these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request
completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been
issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of
Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws,
annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't
the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the
State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing
flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers
alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you
want the stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the
beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any
attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In
my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows
downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.
If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to
its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment
(Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned,
this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now.
Why wait until 1/31/2008? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice
then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass
them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a
real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears
are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going
to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where
they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being
unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
to your dam office.

THANK YOU,

RYAN
DEVRIES
& THE DAM BEAVERS[/font]



[/font]

[dogbaron]

Too good.

[Christian K]

Dam Bureaucrats